I digust myself. There's so much I could have accomplished by now. I need to get my shit together.
Breakfast- Smoothie (320ish)
Dinner- Whatever i being served at the event tonight. Split in half when it comes to the table and ONLY EAT WHAT WAS SET ASIDE.
3 pints...one when I wake up, one at lunchtime, and one between lunch and dinner.
Dancing, only walk to classes.
I have GOT to stick to this.
I want to drop 2 sizes by summer...not hard with toning and water. Won't lose much actual weight, but I've lost sizes pretty easy before. I'd actually be fine with just one size, as long as I was really that size. Not that-size-but-a-little-tight-in-some-brands...just that size.
I'm not even in the mood to bash myself. I'm so tired. Tired of being ugly. Tired of being fat. Just tired.
|First real entry? Yesplz.|
Today was more stressful than I thought It'd be. Since orientation last week it's really been sinking in how close college is and how far I am from my goal. I can't believe I let myself slide ALL SUMMER. I mean, really, why couldn't I have just put the fork down? Picked the weights up? Picked my fat ass up, for that matter. Why couldn't this surge of motivation have come a little sooner?
Amid all these thoughts, some angry, some just plain sad, I realized...
I'm starting college fat.
No excuses, no "I still have time", no "Maybe people wont think I'm that huge..."
I. Am. Starting. College. Fat.
So, I'm basically going to be going as low as possible on the calorie intake and high as possible on the exercise and just hoping for the best. Setting another goal weight is pretty much pointless at this point, so I'm jumping in headfirst and keeping my fingers crossed.
My fat fingers.
Only a failure like me would have let it go this far.
Anyways, my best friend is beginning to piss me off. She's always been heavy, heavier than me, and has now been on this little vegetarian/diet craze. She's been posting on Facebook about her exercising and how she lost 10 pounds...I know I should be supportive, and I have been being nice to her face but I'm getting sick and tired of this shit. About 2 years ago I lost an impossible amount of weight and now, as soon as I've hit my all-time highest weight, she goes on this dieting kick?
Shit's 'bout to get uhhhh-gly.
I don't care how bad she thinks she wants to be skinny.
I've been purging since I was 13, restricting since I was 15, and fasting since I was 16, and she thinks she can just rub in my face that she's losing weight? Bitch is CRAZY if she thinks she's losing more weight than me. CRAZY. Over the next month before I start college, I am losing more weight than she could shake a fat fucking stick at. And she'll try to tell me about how her clothes are getting loose, and about how she runs every day....and then she'll shut her fucking mouth because I lost so much she's EMBARRASSED to say she's been dieting in front of me.
And if she accuses me of any of my bad habits?
"I've just been working out and drinking a lot of water, that's all" <insert sweet smile here>
She doesn't know about my issues. She once said that I "need to eat more. God." but that's all. Oh, by the way, that was also when I was on my vegetarian kick, which she made fun of me for. But now that she's a vegetarian I can't say anything.
Revenge is the best motivation, as they say.
More like what I say, I guess.
It probably makes me a terrible fucking person to talk about my friend like this. Mixture of my competitive nature and a very touchy subject I guess. So, question of the day: Does anyone have someone they feel they're secretly in competition with? Especially someone they probably shouldn't?
Preemptive thanks for any comments.
-1/4 spicy tuna roll
-Whole tuna/salmon/cream cheese roll
-3/4 salmon tempura roll
The last two weren't healthy, but the grand total is only 909 cals for it all, so I'm not upset. Not happy either, but not upset.
Currently a very lame 8oz. Working on that.
Nada. I'm so fucking lazy.
It's getting harder and harder to put my fingers around my wrist.
Meaning it's getting harder and harder to convince myself I'm ever going to make it.